Courtship and Marriage: The Fear of God

Should not a Christian always walk in the fear of God? Should not a Christian therefore also begin his courtship and enter the state of matrimony in the fear of God?

1924 Hans Manthey Zorn The Lutheran Witness

The following article is the third in a series titled Courtship and Marriage from the 1924 volume of The Lutheran Witness, the official publication of The Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod, by Rev. Hans Manthey Zorn.

Should not a Christian always walk in the fear of God? Should not a Christian therefore also begin his courtship and enter the state of matrimony in the fear of God? There are few things that affect his welfare more than courtship and marriage. Let him bethink himself of his Christian faith. Let him take all his thoughts of courtship and marriage to God in prayer. And then let him walk honorably, as in the day. Let him lay the foundations for a Christian home by having a good conscience. Let him keep himself chaste.

Yes, let him keep himself chaste. Is not his body the temple of the Holy Ghost that is in him? Let him watch, then, over his thoughts. Out of the heart proceed evil things. Let his heart, his mind, be chastened in the fear of God. This calls for self-discipline, and self-discipline means real and persistent effort, painstaking effort. The Bible says Christians must crucify the flesh with the affections and lusts. This does not mean that a young Christian should center all his thoughts of self-discipline habitually on courtship and marriage; rather not. He has also other things to look after. He must earn his daily bread. He must keep his body fit for the many tasks to be performed by him. He must also keep himself healthy and clean. He should dress properly, that is, in a way that makes for a sound body and he should eat so that his body becomes the obedient tool of his Christian mind. Such discipline will scatter his thoughts. And in such self-discipline he will take to God in prayer also his thoughts of courtship and marriage, even as Eliezer and Isaac and Rebekah did at the direction of Abraham.

We know right well that we cannot cast all minds into one mold when impetuous thoughts of courtship and marriage come upon them, nor would we attempt such a thing: but the evils resulting from such a situation are so great and the conscience of men and women and of our youth has become so sadly calloused, generally, with regard to the fear of God in this respect, that it certainly becomes necessary for us to point out what is right. Let our Christian young people remember that we live in Sodom, and that it becomes them to live in the fear of God if they would save their souls. Let their parents give them timely instruction and warming in order that they may understand the circumstances surrounding them before they learn through sad experience. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."

The Christian young man will behold the young woman with the eyes of a Christian, and when he has made up his mind to marry, he will proceed as a Christian. He will seek his own parents' approval of the step he is about to take. Then, too, he will ask the permission of the parents of the maiden whom he desires to marry. Finally he will obtain the consent of the young woman herself. That being obtained, the engagement should take place in the presence of witnesses, preferably of the parents, who have already consented. That engagement is a solemn covenant made before God. Both parties, honest and in the fear of God, without deceiving each other, without compulsion, have plighted each other their troth, have promised, from & day not too far distant, to live with one another as man and wife. God has respect to such a covenant, and it should not be broken. Let us remember that betrothed Mary, before Joseph took her to his home, was called the spouse of Joseph.

This procedure is so different from that commonly followed, we know. Usually there is a long period of "going together." But what excuse is there for an extended period of that kind? If there is to be an engagement, why this uncertainty? If there is to be no engagement, why this intimacy? And they will live in the fear of God also while they are engaged: chaste and with a high esteem for each other’s honor. They want to retain a pure conscience; they want to retain each other's respect; they want to retain the respect of their follow-Christians and of the world. Their marriage day is to be a sacred day. on which they shall truly, before God as well as before men, appear as a chaste young man and a chaste virgin on the threshold of a Christian home.

It certainly is not a good thing that the period of engagement should be extended too long. Under certain circumstances this may be necessary, and when they live far removed from each other, this may be more permissible; but the situation is unnatural when they live near each other and meet each other frequently. Sad experience in many a case marks the unnaturalness of it. The nervous and physical fiber so often gives way, and altogether an unnatural relation develops.

Indianapolis, Ind.
H.M. Zorn