Courtship and Marriage: Qualifications of a Future Helpmeet

The one great qualification which a Christian should look for is the fear of God. And your future spouse should be one heart and one soul with you in your true Lutheran faith.

1924 Hans Manthey Zorn The Lutheran Witness

The following article is the fourth in a series titled Courtship and Marriage from the 1924 volume of The Lutheran Witness, the official publication of The Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod, by Rev. Hans Manthey Zorn.

By what standard is one to judge the fitness of a future spouse? It seems rather a large undertaking to answer that question, but surely the question is of vital importance, and there ought to be an answer.

The wrong standard is the most common one. It is the one that obtained before the Deluge, when the children of God became wayward and refused to be instructed by the Spirit of God. They beheld the fairness of the daughters of men and chose those who pleased their eyes. That resulted in a universal falling away from God. And how foolish, how short-sighted, to form a lifelong union, to build a. home in which you will live all the rest of your life on nothing better than a passionate infatuation! The infatuation is short-lived, like the leaves of a blossom; and how bitter the fruit may be! An unhappy marriage is a very grievous burden.

It is, of course, equally reprehensible to contract marriage prompted by considerations of money. More often, perhaps, it is the parents who make such calculations. Greed is sordid and the prolific root of trouble. The family connections of the spouse form a decidedly minor consideration. Trouble may arise here too. There are matters of greater moment to be considered.

Good health of body and mind is an important factor, provided you are not too extreme in your calculations. Much has been written on this score, and there has been some vain legislation along this line. It should be noted that there are some chronic diseases and deformities that disqualify for home-building and will bring on grievous defects in the children. The family physician should be consulted when mental or bodily disability is involved.

But the one great qualification which a Christian should look for is the fear of God. You should want to live the rest of your life with a conscientious Christian. Mere church-membership, sad to say, does not always go with that fear of God. Look for evidences of sincerity. A worldly life, disrespect to parents, an ungovernable temper, does not show self-discipline. A demand that there must be no children is ungodly and should disqualify such person for marriage. It is a breach of the marriage vow given in betrothal and a wicked disregard of one of the purposes for which God has instituted marriage.

Your future spouse should be one heart and one soul with you in your true Lutheran faith. Is not marriage the most intimate union, and should not the souls be one in their inmost faith? You should be one in prayer. How else will you have a Christian home and Christian children? So much unhappiness and so much harm to the children arises where either man or wife is a Catholic. Be not misled; the Catholic Church considers only that marriage sacred which is solemnized by one of its priests; and in that case the children are pledged to it, with or without your knowledge.

Where one spouse belongs to a sectarian church, conditions often are not much better. There usually is a marked hatred against the Lutheran confession, and almost invariably the children are affected. And there is so much of cross and tribulation that comes to a family in a lifetime that you should not want to go without the comfort which comes where husband and wife are one also in sincere faith.

If you will lay the beginnings of your future marriage in the fear of God, as shown in our last article, you will look for this oneness in faith even before courtship and require it before an engagement can be considered. A promise to join the church after engagement or even after marriage is by no means always carried out, and when it is carried out, it is often done as a mere matter of form, and no true living faith results. There are, it is true, notable exceptions to this; we occasionally get some very active members who became such after marriage. But usually the promise given before marriage is not kept, and as a consequence there is either a sad married life for the one who is & Christian or a falling away from the faith on the part of the one who did belong to the church. The children almost invariably are still farther removed from the truth and from God than the parents were. Thus godlessness increases.

This fear of God and this oneness in faith is the one important consideration in the choice of a future spouse. As we write this, we are well aware that, quite naturally, we shall be ridiculed and hated for this in this unionistic and unbelieving generation. But the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men!

Indianapolis, Ind.
H.M. Zorn