Courtship and Marriage: Conduct of the Betrothed and Newly Married

The rearing of a family, the raising of children, is the proper function of the holy estate of matrimony. There the purity of the nation is preserved. There is the blessing of God.

1924 Hans Manthey Zorn The Lutheran Witness

The following is the fifth and final article in a series titled Courtship and Marriage from the 1924 volume of The Lutheran Witness, the official publication of The Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod, by Rev. Hans Manthey Zorn.

Between the newly engaged there is, of course, a measure of that strong young love which is only natural and right and proper; but here, too, that self-control which should mark all Christian conduct must not be forgotten. There is no warrant for that utter abandon between the betrothed which many consider right just because it is so common. Indulgence of fleshly appetites without restraint is something that is practiced by "the Gentiles that know not God," says St. Paul, 1 Thessalonians 4:5. If the betrothed walk in the fear of God, they will also have a decent regard for their fellow-men. While no one must be a slave to public opinion, yet a Christian must not live in contempt of it, for a good reputation is of the greatest value.

And let the betrothed plan to have a home for themselves. The time is approaching when they shall leave father and mother and live in a home of their own. Certainly a widowed mother or father must not be neglected, but generally speaking, it is by all means best that the newly married live by themselves. Exceptions, proper exceptions, there always are, and let us say that it is easier to live with the wife's mother than with the husband's mother; for it is the women who are together all day long while the man is out at work. Let the betrothed plan to have a home and prepare to furnish it.

The newly married, too, must walk in the fear of God and not recklessly abandon themselves to sensual passion or even to the natural stimulation of it. In married life God has given the proper sphere and the proper limitation for sex-life. The rearing of a family, the raising of children, is the proper function of the holy estate of matrimony. There the purity of the nation is preserved. There is the blessing of God. There, too, is the cross and the tribulation which God Himself appoints for the discipline of Christians in this world where all are sinful and in need of the schooling which God has provided. That, therefore, is not a Christian family, though church-membership be maintained, where such family life is prevented.

How much utter vanity there is in so many a new home! The young man has been accustomed to spend freely what he earned, and he feels that he must continue to do so. There must be luxurious furniture, and there must be a constant round of gaiety; shows, dances, auto rides, and a parade before the world must be maintained, and the home is chiefly a place for licensed lust. The young woman, quite often, is of the same stripe, wanting finery of every sort, complaining of every task, and entirely putting out of question the duties of motherhood. According to the statement of a local judge of large experience increasing marital trouble of late arises from the fact that young women demand big pay of their husbands for all they do. Such selfish families invariably find very little time to serve the Lord; indeed, they think they are unable to do so. Many a poor widow, therefore, does better than they.

It is most regrettable that so many young wives continue to work outside of the home. We would not sit in judgment over each case; for there are circumstances where this may be quite proper; but on the whole this arrangement leads to, if it does not arise from, sordid greed and the wilful prevention of the blessings of motherhood. Where this is the case, the fear of God has been forsaken. Such practice is godless and accursed. What selfish souls those are that are wilfully sterile, souls dead as cinders! They end in self-willed family extinction and then will be called before the judgment-seat of God to answer for their evil deeds. There is a necessity for recalling to the minds of such people that greed is idolatry, and that the love of money is the root of all evil. Holy matrimony is an institution of service. In it manhood and womanhood develop an even greater capacity for the service of God by serving their fellow-men. Do not rob it of its beauty and make of it a byword for selfishness, unfruitfulness, and wasted lives! Often such a home becomes unbearable. And what stormy scenes, yes, shameful scenes, when children, though not wanted, nevertheless do come! What unfortunate children, these, who were not wanted! They will be petted in a passionate way and punished and neglected in the same way.

Oh, then, begin and continue that union of yours in the fear of God! From the very beginning establish the habit of joint prayer and joint devotion. The Bible, the hymn-book, a prayer-book, or some good book of devotion will give you wholesome food. Let the husband or the wife do the reading; let them pray together, jointly, aloud. Should they not join in the Lord's Prayer? Begin this at once and get the habit! If you do it only now and then, you will soon not do it at all. A mere pious admonition now and then soon loses its power. Get the habit, never to be broken, of family prayer. Then the children too, as they come, will from the beginning be reared in the fear of God.

Let no one foolishly imagine that such a home cannot be a happy home. Daily prayer is a powerful corrective for all ills that arise. It dissipates all clouds. Such a family experiences that the Gospel is what its name implies, a good spell, glad tidings of the grace of God. It is more than mere tidings. It brings what it speaks of the blessings of God. If you are assured of the grace of God, your eyes will be brightened, and you will learn to rejoice in the Lord alway. Where there is true fear of God, mere physical passion will be displaced by true love, which grows truer and nobler and deeper.

Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord, that walketh in His ways; happy shall he be, and it shall be well with him.

Indianapolis, Ind.
H.M. Zorn