Whom Shall I Marry?

Our characters are insensibly moulded by those with whom we pass our time. To none does this apply so much as to married people. Husbands and wives are continually doing either good or harm to one another's souls.

1923 The Northwestern Lutheran

The following article is taken from the June 1923 issue of The Northwestern Lutheran, Volume 10, Number 12, on pp. 187-188. A PDF scan of the original issue may be found in the Wisconsin Lutheran Seminary Digital Library.

Young man, young woman, you who read this, does the above question bring a smile to your face? It need not, in fact, it should not, because marriage is a serious, solemn matter, in spite of what wordly, frivolously-minded persons think or say about it.

Because of the present laxity of morals, swamping of the divorce courts and the nauseating, deplorable dramas enacted therein, and frivolity with which many persons enter into the holy estate of matrimony, a discussion of the above question is indeed important, timely, and necessary.

"Marriage" says the learned Rev. J. C. Ryle, B. A., "is a state of life which has the greatest effect on the souls of those who enter into it. It helps them upwards or downwards. It leads them nearer to heaven or nearer to hell. We all depend much on the company we keep. Our characters are insensibly moulded by those with whom we pass our time. To none does this apply so much as to married people. Husbands and wives are continually doing either good or harm to one another's souls."

If these words of the Rev. Ryle are true - and you must admit that they are — then it is of the utmost importance that your life's companion be such whose companionship will assist and not hinder you in obtaining your soul's salvation.

Would you, if you marry, know whom you should marry, then consult, in the first place, your Bible. Marriage, briefly stated, is a union between one man and one woman. It is an "institution of divine origin," and is designed for the happiness of those who enter this state, and for the purity and permanence of the race." Read Gen. 2: 18-24.

In 2 Cor. 6:14-17, we read: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? and what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? and what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God: as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them: and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing."

Applying this text the noted evangelist, Dr. Moody, once said: "What right has a praying man to marry a frivolous, scoffing young lady that hates Jesus Christ. the Bridegroom of the Church of God?"

To marry one who is an unbeliever is surely "to yoke oneself unequally" with an unbeliever. Would to God that Christian young men and women would ever keep that in mind.

Surely there is no need to speak at any length on this point to any Christian man or woman. It surely is clear that an unbelieving woman is not a suitable life's companion for a believing man; neither is an unbelieving man a suitable companion for a believing woman. For a believing man or woman to marry an unbeliever, knowing her or him to be such, is a sin which will, if not repented of, lead to eternal perdition.

Did not St. Paul earnestly warn Christian men and women and say: "For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband, or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?" — I Cor. 7: 16.

Avoid, advises St. Paul, a marriage with an unbeliever. St. Paul knew what he was talking about. Give heed, therefore, all who are contemplating marriage.

Ah! many a pious husband, many a pious wife has been led from the narrow path by an unbelieving spouse and both have gone down to destruction.

You have heard of Samson. You have heard how his ruin was effected by Delilah, his heathen Philistine wife. — Judges 16:4-6.

You know the history of Solomon. No wiser man ever lived. No grander king ever reigned. His career was a glorious one, but it was finally marred — marred by his marriage with heathen women, who perverted his heart. — I Kings 11:4; Neh. 13:26.

Were not such marriages, believers with unbelievers, a disgusting feature of the godless age before the Flood? — Gen. 6:2.

Was it not marriage with the heathen that led Israel astray again and again?

An unbeliever you should certainly not marry.

But marriage with one of another faith is likewise to be carefully avoided. Surely it is something to be deeply deplored, when husband and wife can not and do not worship at the same altar. How serious the offence thus given to the world, to the children as they grow up! O the heart-breaking and life-wrecking strife and sorrow that has resulted from such unions! O the hopes that have been shattered! O the tears, the grief, the misery that has resulted! Would you, dear Lutheran men and women, ignore the lesson?

Too often, for the "sake of peace in the home," church-going has ceased entirely, and the souls of husband, wife, and children have been deprived of eternal salvation. Is it not a case of "I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come?" Too often, too, either the husband or the wife has been forced, against conviction, to embrace a religion both burdensome and un-Scriptural.

Too often, we admit with regret, have Lutheran men and women failed seriously to ask themselves, Whom shall I marry? Too often have Lutheran men and women become unfaithful to their Church, and ultimately to God Himself, because they unthinkingly married one of another faith.

After consulting your Bible on this important question, forget not to consult your father and your mother. Your parents have, to use a common phrase, been "through the mill" If they are true parents, your earthly as well as your eternal welfare will be their earnest desire. Do not refuse their advice, lovingly given. Even if you are old enough to "think for your-self," the advice of loving parents will do you no harm. And note: "A wise son hearth, his father's instruction." — Proverbs 13:1.

Too often, unfortunately, parents fail just here. They too often think that money and a reputation among men are the first requirements in a prospective son-in-law or daughter-in-law. But money or any other earthly advantage can not and does not secure a happy married life. Neither will saving faith in husband or wife be nourished and sustained thereby.

If your parents are Christians they will seek not only your earthly welfare, but especially your eternal welfare. To this end they will strongly advise you to marry none other than a truly Lutheran Christian man or woman.

Yes, truly Christian parents will never fail to walk in the footsteps of Abraham and Isaac of whom the Bible reports as follows: "And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites among whom I dwell." — Gen. 24:2. 3.

"And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and charged him, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan." — Gen. 28:1.

If a full purse, a reputation among men, a pretty face cannot make marriage truly successful, what is necessary?

My young friends, first of all, treat marriage seriously. Make it the subject of much prayer. See to it that true, saving faith in Jesus Christ dwells in the heart of the person of your choice. See to it that you can throughout your married life worship your God at the same altar, for then, and then only, will you continue doing good, and not harm, to one another's souls.

And lastly, choose a partner who has similar tastes and tendencies. If you do, your faith will not be subjected to such severe tests as would otherwise be the case.

And now a final word.

You who are contemplating marriage, have you joined that vast, unhappy throng, that would enjoy the earthly pleasures, but would avoid the responsibilities of married life, and that vulgarly says: "Not too many 'kids' for me, when I am married"?

Pardon me, dear reader, if I refuse to enter into this tragic phase of present-day married life. But to him and to her whose heart and mind have thus been perverted by Satan, I would simply, in tender pity, say, May God have mercy on you.

The writer of these lines is the happy father of a number of happy, healthy children. More than one childless couple has envied him and his happy wife in their lot of happy, healthy children, precious jewels in the sight of God, every one of them; and though many, yet not one too many. Sometimes, it is true, because means are limited, Satan would blight the happiness and cheerfulness of his wife and himself by whispering, What will you eat? What will you drink? Wherewith will you clothe yourself and your little ones? But, dear reader, the thought of Him who provides for the sparrow, who cares for the ravens which cry, who clothes the lily of the field turns the subtle temptation of Satan into a quickly passing shadow and reveals in all its resplendent beauty the loving and unremitting care of Him who once asked the tender and reassuring question, "Are ye not much better than they?"

“A Happy Husband and Father.”
The Australian Lutheran